Life is very busy. I think I can say that for pretty much everyone. I’d like to say mine has been recently, but when I think about how much time I waste I realize that my life actually moves at a rather slow pace. I therefore have no excuse for not posting. I even missed my annual New Years post. I didn’t post once in January. I’ve thought about posting, but I’m afraid this is one time where the thought doesn’t count.
The truth is, a lot of my time is mismanaged, I have a major tendency to be lazy and procrastinate, my priorities are twisted up, and I’d rather mess around on the computer than clean the house, write important essays I told myself I wanted to write, edit the book I had planned to already have edited by now but which I have just finished writing and a whole mess of other things. It’s something I have decided to work on. (That was a few days ago. Hopefully I can set some habits that override the rut I have created for myself over the past few months)
All this laziness is sad and maddening. I hate my actions afterwords, but during I never seem to be able to say “Victoria, straighten up and get to work! You don’t need to check your email again right now!”
There is so much potential in each one of our lives. So much to be done, so much to change, so much to fix and start and say and do and read and write and take joy in. I recently read a book on William Wilberforce. (An amazing book which I plan to post a review about very very soon) It and a paper I wrote on him reminded me that my life right now is moving God’s kingdom nowhere. He did so much for God, and here I get lazy and don’t even want to write a blog post. What a reality check I got.
One of the songs I’ve grown to love is Blink by Revive. The lyrics to the first verse and chorus go something like this:
“Teach me to number my days,
And count every moment,
Before they slip away,
Take in all the colors,
Before they turn to grey,
I don’t want to miss,
Even just a second more of this,
It happens in a blink,
It happens in a flash,
It happens in the time it took to look back,
I try to hold on tight,
But there’s no stopping time,
What is it I’ve done with my life,
It happens in a blink, it happens in a blink”
When I’m older, and have a chance to look back on my life, what will I see? Will I be full of regrets for the things I didn’t feel like doing at the time and wish I had done? Or will I point back and say: “Look. Look at where God used me because I was willing. I used my time faithfully because I realized my time was not actually mine, it was God’s. I didn’t let it slip away, I used it correctly because I knew it would be gone in a blink.”?
It’s something that’s been on my heart recently. I know I’ve wasted so much time. All I can hope for is that I learn from it now and not be filled with more regret later on. So I’m off to do some constructive house cleaning, helping around the house to lighten the load on my mother an d to make Dad feel more comfortable when he gets home. Then I think I’ll work on writing an essay that’s been in my mind recently about Separation of Church and State. And when I finally feel like I’ve earned a break, THEN I’ll take one. (Pre-emptive breaks don’t get you very far, I’ve learned)
With all my priority rearranging, Holy Aspirations had bobbed back up near the top. So I plan not to skimp on posts anymore.
Until (a hopefully very soon) next time,