Off Topic

Welcome to the not so serious side of me.

Occasionally, I get ideas for not so serious posts, because the not so serious side of me thinks of these not so serious things occasionally.  Well, I tried starting a not so serious blog for them, but Holy Aspirations is the exception to all my failiors, and Tori’s World was not. 😛  However, I didn’t want to throw away all my creative posts and ideas, and knowing that “laughter is the best medicine”, I thought that in the very rare instances where I get around to writing of my humerous ideas, I could post them here.  NOTE THAT THESE WILL PROBABLY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HOLY ASPIRATIONS.

This area should technically be read bottom to top, like a blog, though most of the posts probably won’t need to be in order.  Well, we’ll see how this goes… if it doesn’t that’s what the delete key is for, right?

Kitchen Mafia Strikes Again!

It has happened again, oh readers of my writing. Perhaps you recall when the Kitchen Mafia struck our beloved Ketchup, causing chaos in our usually semi turbulent kitchen (perhaps in a future post I will go into the rules of MY kitchen and what I can do in it that no one else can… among other things) This time readers, I will give you the facts of the case, so here is the case file.

Victim – Brownies

Suspect – Christian

Evidence – Suspect admitted to the crime

Witness testimony – Victoria

“To start at the very beginning, the creation of the brownies. Mom and Christian were helping out at a funeral at church and Jenna and I were hanging out at home. As loyal daughters of mom, we struck up a craving for chocolate. It should be noted this was Thursday, and tomorrow we were going to all go to a friend’s house. I forget who first came up with the idea, but brownies were decided upon. Two batches, one for us and one to take tomorrow. These were immediately baked, two brownies being set aside in a locked box in a freezer (which I have never thought to be a very inviting thing). Here they were to wait until a time came when Jenna and I desired them.
I wont go deeply into the process it took to make them, except that after a prank call to Christian, and apology call for a failed prank call, a call to tell him to tell mom we needed sugar, and a call to tell him never mind, we found sugar, he wasn’t very happy with us, so maybe he was badly off with the brownies from the start.
The first time he saw the box he was immediately filled with curiosity, vowing to himself to get to the mysteries of a locked box in the freezer. It was fine for a few weeks, until we found them gone, Christian admitting to have stolen them. A search lasting sever days ensued, ending when Jenna tackled Christian to the ground, making him give away their location. And so the story ends. A final comment? All’s well that eats well.”

Witness testimony – Jenna

“Well, me and Victoria made brownies, you know, to save for the middle of the night, in case of an emergency. Then I came home one day, and Christian said that he ate them. I didn’t believe him at first, because he says that kind of thing all the time, but he had me convinced after a little bit. However, then I found out he didn’t eat them, he kidnapped them.
So we got together a search party and after days of worrying and cold trails (really cold trails, she corrected herself, thinking of many hours spent digging in the freezer) we had a final confrontation, during which one of the brownies was snuck out of where it was supposed to be. Now both are safe, despite their traumatic experience.”

“So, Christian was responsible for their disappearance?”
“Yes”

“Do you have any last comments on the case?”
“Evil always has its just desserts.”

Victim testimony – Brownies

The victims of the crime have nothing to say, as they are contently chilling in the freezer.

Defense testimony – Christian

I plead guilty of a PRANK which really was funny. I didn’t’ eat them! I want you to be sure to put what I say next down. Ready? You have to say it! My sisters need to find a better way to lock something besides a gun lock on a cardboard box that I have the key for. There is no challenge cutting a card board box open! Get a real safe.
When I got home, I only got one brownie, while my sisters got several. Just consider what I did payback for the music my sisters blare around the house.

“Any final comments?”
“Yes, go make more brownies for me.”

So you see readers, this is the evidence as taken by the people involved. This is where we stand. The KIA (Kitchen Intelligence Agency) being main witnesses in the crime, we cannot pass a verdict. What of Christian? Should he be punished for his crimes?

A Missing Friend

The Crime Scene:

Today, during the hour of one, with 27 minutes after. Making a grilled cheese sandwich, me and my sister walked over to the fridge, and opening the door, looked in with horror. Ketchup was gone. Instantly we dug into the recesses of the fridge, even checking the freezer, but no sign of our beloved Ketchup could be found. So, we began our investigation. The

Investigation:

First, we went to my brother. He looked up from his worktable, and when I said “Do you know where Ketchup is?” he scowled and replied “Ketchup? Why would I know where Ketchup is? I hate Ketchup!”  It certainly looked suspicious. Next, we went to the Fridge. Looking in, we realized Ketchup wasn’t the only one gone, Miracle Whip had disappeared too. “Witness! We need a Witness,” my sister cried. So, imploring me to get one, I grabbed the Mayo and we sat down at the table.

The Interrogation:

Instantly, we grilled Mayo. “Where is Ketchup, and where is Miracle Whip?” No answer. My sister proceeded to hit it, but still nothing. “Wait!” She exclaimed, “[Our brother (name excluded for the privacy of suspect)] loves Mayo, but he hates Ketchup and Miracle Whip. Mayo is on his side!!!” Realism dawned on us as we looked at the bottle. It knew, it had to know! But no matter how hard we tried, no answers could be got out of it, only a sullen silence. “There has to be a way we can torture it into telling!” Jenna (my sister) cried. So I studied, and studied, that little container before me before exclaiming “Aha! I have found it. Turning the bottle on it’s top I said triumphantly, “It says, set upside down for best results.” But still, nothing happened. Again, it was hit *Whack!*.

The Conclusion:

Alas, no information has turned up yet, to shed light on this great mystery. It is my personal belief that both the Mayo and my brother are in league, and perhaps several other members of the fridge. Maybe Mustard got tired of playing second to Ketchup! It is quite possible we have a mafia on our hands! But one thing is clear in my head. We shall never see our beloved Ketchup or Miracle Whip again. The kitchen Mafia has done them in, and hidden their empty containers out of our reach. We mourn for them. But our job is not over. Who knows what innocent victim will be next? What if guacamole gets mad at hot sauce? It is our job to stop this mafia in their tracks, and save the innocent people of the kitchen. This is the KIA*, over, and out .

*Kitchen Intelligence Agency

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